I said, "God told me to love my neighbors." Everyone cheers.
I announced, "God told me to kill my son." Everyone whips out their phones to call the cops (and then rush to take vids)
God is shaking his head mulling whether he should lob a 1000-mile asteroid into earth to end it once and for all: "It was so much easier back then with Abraham and Moses and all those loons. Stoning women and children, decimating tribes, taking slaves and virgins as booty was why they woke up in the morning. Everyone followed My orders. And to the letter. But now they won't even let Me nick a kid! Shitheads. Give them a neuron and it multiplies and turns into a brain. Should've made mindless automatons instead."
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